Hey all! I am in New York, with the Occupation, milling around in Washington Square. I am tweeting somewhat, which you can see in that sidebar, over there. My protest sign is getting a lot of attention. I will post a pic of it when I get home. In the meantime have some phone pics.
6:30am: I wake up at my appointed workday hour, look out the window and see wind thick with snow and a drift knee deep on my walkway. I turned around, called into work, and went back to sleep.
9:30am: Lazy snow day, SCORE. I wake up for real and bundle myself up to see the damage. The blizzard is I suppose technically over. its still windy and cold as HELL, but the snow is really light. The roads are “plowed”–meaning that its theoretically driveable with sand and shit mixed in, but they aren’t clear. No, the roads are covered with an inch-deep coating of churned up sandy snow. My neighbor/building handyman has been busy shoveling and the walk ways are clear. My car is buried. I asked the dude shoveling if he had another shovel. He said no and offered to dig out my car for me, which works for me.
Conclusion: not only do I need snow boots, I also need a shovel.
Here, have some pics.
So all day yesterday, Christmas Day (MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY), various news outlets on air and online hummed with mild panic over the first snow of the season (for us North Easters, that is), due to arrive today. “BLIZZARD WARNING! 10 to 20 inches!!!ELEVENTY!!!”)
6:45am: I wake up, put on my shoes and hat and coat and head off to the market to buy food. No snow yet. The air is crisp, grey, and utterly still. The proverbial calm before the storm.
7:00am. Arrived at the market. Parking lot’s already full! I buy chopped beef, chicken breasts, fruit and frozen veggies. I also rent two movies from Redbox: “Easy A” and “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World”
8:00am. Return home. First tiny round pelletx of snow begin to fall, drifting lazily towards the earth along still pathways in the air. Air is still grey, crisp and still. I throw out trash and put away food. The weather channel’s ever-present anxiety has ramped up a couple notches to mild panic.
9:15am: The sky is still a cold looming grey, but no change from scattered pellety snow. So far, quite disappointing. Wind is picking up, though, and temps feel like they are falling. Thats even worse than snow, imho. Time to fire up the crock pot.
11:45: Snow is finally starting to show, with trace accumulations. ZOMG SNOWMAGEDDON. Also starting to feel a little cooped up already, and so I’ve started to clean up a little in here. Picked up all my dirty laundry.
12:50: Floor is picked up. Also, this:
3:30: Storm is here for real now. Wind and snow and all that shit. The headless chickens at the various news stations are clucking their heads off about the blizzard due to show up sometime after sunset. “12 to 18 inches, OHNOES.” Excitedly showing the feed from the trafficams. Road looks wet. Oh look, there go a couple of cars! Its DANGEROUS OUT THERE, FOLKS. I took a warming bath earlier and finished my beef stew braised in red wine. It came out ok.
Also, I need snow boots.
4:40pm: Find myself watching Bridalplasty. Goddamn it. This show is horrible and what the hell is WRONG with these girls? I really hate shallow, materialistic, and manipulative people. I really need to watch something else. Oh, wait…DRAMA…
Oh, sorry, I digress. Storm is ramping up. Sun has set and wind is really getting some speed to it. The snow is now slippery and the flakes are getting fatter. NOW, finally the hype has some meat to it.
Looks to be a 1/3 inch. Doesn’t look like Snowmageddon yet. Wheres my blizzard, man?
6:00: Okay, I guess, technically speaking, its blizzard conditions outside. Howling wind, icy temps, sticky-ass snow. Not quite white-out status out there, yet, and its only accumulated an additional half inch or so. In my mind I sorta see “blizzards” as being thickly blowing snow with drifts 10 feet high and, and dead animals sinking in piling white stuff. Maybe a zombie here and there. So even though its technically a blizzard, it still feels kinda wimpy to me. Too dark for a picture. I am now watching “Easy A” and so far I like it. Character has that charming quirkiness of “Juno.”
7:30: Finished “Easy A”. I give it a B-. Cute movie, well-written. Good story. but not one I would go out of my way to own. The kind of movies I own are more adult and intense, like Lord of the Rings, Fight club, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, The Princess Bride, Finding Nemo. I think the lamest movie I have in my collection is….lemme go look….okay, I’m back, is Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. “WHOA, DUUUDE. Bogus.” Or maybe Bedazzled with Brendan Frazer and Elizabeth Hurley. Kind of a toss-up. But I like those movies anyway, so shut up. Well I dunno, if I had a gift card for FYE I would probably buy “Easy A” if I had money left over after buying the movies and DVDs I want first.
On the Snowmageddon front: it sucks out there. Blergh.
Pretty pic:
Snow looks cute and peaceful, doesnt it? WELL ITS NOT. Here, see the wind gusts:
Plus, baby its fucking cold outside. And the snow feels like ice–which, technically it IS, so that was kinda redundant, but you get the point. This just might be the last set of pics for the night, until tomorrow morning.
9:30: There is a 10 foot snw drift outside my door! Okay, maybe its not 10 feet, maybe more like 10 inches…or so. Maybe it will be 10 feet in the morning? Stay Tuned: its my bedtime! Im gonna take a hot shower then crawl into my cold, empty bed piled up with 6 blankets and comforters.
Will there be a 10 foot snow drift blocking my door in the morning? Will I be going to work? Neither is looking likely. STAY TUNED!
4:00 pm and here we return to see our spitfire heroine dash out of the windowless box that is her place of employment. The weekend has begun and the excitement is palpable. See the flushed face, the up-turned smile, the wide-eyed breathlessness? Oh happy day!
But what’s this? A sudden slump of the shoulders? Rachel remembers she must pay a big bill today. She sighs. A trip to the bank is in order and she is $300 poorer. What a wretched state! At least she can still afford a bottle of wine! After paying her bill, a bottle of 2005 Reisling Kabinett from Reichsgraf von Kesselstatt is in her grubby little lushy paws. What ho, hey?
Two hours later: Our slightly inebriated hostess takes a bath. She appears to be chatting on AIM and catching up on blogs via her Blackberry whilst turning into a prune. A new and very interesting friend signs on and our tipsy lass grins. At the suggestion of this mysterious person, she removes herself from the water and retires to the t.v. room to watch Stargate: Universe and exchange commentary. It seems to be a very enjoyable conversation. Perhaps as enjoyable as this night’s episode of Stargate: Universe itself?
Those who must know must also get used to disappointment. (Rachel hopes her dear readers get the reference, and she will love them forever.)
And now she has returned to the computer, tongue out-thrust, brow furrowed, liver groaning. With a flourish she now bids the day, and this blog series, “Adieu!” All this third-person, self-aggrandizing humor crap quite wore her out!
Part one is here.
We return to our intrepid adventurer of the mundane! It is lunchtime, and Rachel realizes she has forgotten to pack a lunch. Oh Calamity Jane! She stands next to the company fridge and contemplates her options.
Rachel grimaces and makes her choice!
And now, its viewer participation time!
Thank you for participating, dear reader. Let us see what Rachel is nomming, shall we?
Ah, a lunch of cheap hot dog in a bun, a bag of white cheddar popcorn, and a can of evilly caffeinated Pepsi. Apparently, our budget-conscious gut-buster chose option C. Will she regret the consequences? She will undoubtedly be happy to let everyone know.
Our foolish hero lumbers back to work, to slave once more at the will of her vile employers. A stack of work awaits her! She groans and plods on–let us fast forward again, shall we?
One hour later Here we see our hapless lady of the pot run to the restroom. “Oops!” She proclaims. “Time to poop!” She giggles. “Hey, you see what I did there? I rhymed!” Oh dear. Avert your eyes!
15 minutes later
Ah! Oh good, our mistress of the slackery is blogging again. She bravely ventures forth into the land of the POLL. “Can I create a poll on my Blackberry?” she asks the ether. “Or will it blow up my phone?” Biting her lip, she hits publish and hopes the godforsaken thing works.
Alas! Rachel gnashes her teeth to a fine powder finer than particles of pottery clay. Her cursed phone does not render embedding codes! Rachel begs her beneficent and merciful and wise and kind and radiant Sister to fix it for her.
All hail the Queen of the helping hands!
Work is almost over, and soon our tired and worn hero shall sally forth to home. What does our happy-go-lucky blogger intend for this Friday Night Festvities?
Stay tuned to find out!
At 5:45 am, the small battery powered vibrating alarm clock that hides under Rachel’s pillow bursts to life and shatters her dreams into tiny mental fragments that vanish into the cold autumn air. Rachel’s cat takes this opportunity to poke her in the eye.
15 minutes later, our fabulous heroine stumbles out of bed, jams on her slippers and sleepily totters outside to check on the functionality of her dubious automobile, the Noble Steel Steed of Saturn. “Please start today, motherfucker,” she mutters under her breath before she turns the key into the ignition. Does it start today? The engine turns over and purrs happily! Halleluia!
A few minutes later Our fearless leading lady decides to get ready for work. “What shall I wear today, self?” Rest assured, dear friends, she is not yet as crazy as she appears. After some perusing of her color-coded garments, our bold and forthright hero decides to wear a black sweater over a black and grey t-shirt, with dark jeans and black socks. Spiffy!
15 minutes later Our emo friend dashes out for work, picking up an egg sandwich at her favorite local deli on the way. She polishes off her breakfast with gusto! A strong eater.
She arrives at work. She starts work. What she does for work is quite boring. No need to watch that–lets fast forward through this, shall we? Let us all thank the Japanese for the powers of DVR.
One hour later Oh look, the paychecks are here! Our noble hero looks unsuprised at the number on the check. Its the same amount she gets every week. A coworker asks her what the background radiation on her process wipe test was. Our witty mistress of bad jokes is inspired! She–oh clever she–glances at her check and proclaims the answer to be “Zero!” Her co-stars act suitably amused. Oh happy day!
Rachel returns to her desk and waits for the new round of work to arrive. She looks down momentarily and notices a travesty of the highest order and slaps her forehead in dismay. In her haste to get dressed, she put on the wrong pair of shoes, oh hapless she! Instead of the black sneakers she had intended, she had slipped on the brown.
Oh the humanity!
But our heroine is undaunted! This travesty of epic proportions shall not fling her into the pit of humiliated despair. Rachel is made of stronger mettle, it seems. She laughs and is inspired to blog, oh happy day! A picture is taken. A blog post is begun. Our heroine’s tongue is thrust out in concentration and her writer’s brow is furrowed!
Stay tuned for further shenanigans from our wise and glorious star!
6:30 AM
Meh. Do I have to go to work today? Its too damn cold for this shit.
7:30 AM
Why are you driving the speed limit?! Honestly, who drives the speed limit?! GO!!!
8:30 AM
I wonder if its too late to ask my bosses for some time off for President’s day? *fret* Sure wish I could travel some place warm, like Tuscan or even Houston…
9:30 AM
Free donuts, bagels, cream cheese (oooo, three flavors!) and coffee? What’s the occaison? More to the point, who’s trying to fatten us up?!
Even more to the point; do I care?…nom, no I don’t think I do, nomnomnom.
10:30 AM
Reading this.
11:30 AM
*thinks about the throughline to her next writing project, a short story tentatively titled “Lord of Scale and Bone”*
12:30 PM
UGH! I’ve eatten too many carbs, and not the good kind. How many ways can one say “potty?”
1:30 post delayed due to professional obligations.
1:50
*excerpt* Brother Corwyn trudged in the mud, his feet the only part of him affected by the weeping sky.
2:30 PM
*loud high pitch squeal as metal vacuum head scrapes against linoleum tiles* GOD I hate that vacuum so bad!!!!!
3:30 PM
…Chicken, oranges, maybe grapes if the grapes look good, definitely need bananas, cat litter, and oh! Can’t forget the baby-be-gone pills! What else do I need…
4:30 post delayed due to traffic conditions
5:00PM
Why does rush hour traffic have to suck so bad?
5:30 – 7:30 posts cancelled due to having a life.
8:30: T.V. Sucks balls tonight.
5:00am:
Ugh, my alarm isn’t set to go off for another hour…why the fuck am I awake?
6:00am
Oy! Stupid alarm…its still dark out and its cold…a few more minutes..
7:00am
Fuck! I’m late! Where’s my lunch, where’s my keys? Oh shit gotta feed the cats. I better do the litterboxes tonight too.
8:00am
My lazy-ass coworker needs to start taking up his share of the work, and my lazy-ass boss needs to start bossing.
9:00am
Oh, someone brought in chocolate frosted cake for the munchies!
10:00am
Whoops! Time to pee!
11:00am
Man, I got mad craving for a bucket of KFC, yo. And maybe some coleslaw too.
12:00pm
Lunchtime! Box-o-pasta and veggies. Maybe I’ll score some chixn for dinner.
1:00
Maybe instead of eliminating the Electoral College, we just eliminate all “winner-take-all” provisos instead? Insta-democracy!
1:15 pm: Reply to Comments
Bob: KFC is insidious, isn’t it. It is strong in the Force, and it has a powerful influence on the weakminded.
Woozie: You’re right! Maybe that’s why I haven’t had a craving for KFC for six months.
2:00pm
I hate it when I have to work instead of blogging.
3:00pm
God I hate Winter. I hate how Autumn fortells the coming of winter. I hate being cold. I hate how this damn company always has the A.C. blasting even when its 32 degrees out, simply because some folks here can’t bear tempuratures above 68*F. I’m not looking forward to shivering inside my layers of sweaters come Feburary!
4:00pm
Whoo! Thank god, I’m outta here…Time for job #2.
4:15pm–Reply to comments
Kara: Slawbuddies! That makes me feel weepy inside. I love being your slawbuddy.
SayIt: I hate it too. Peak was Columbus Day weekend, and it was beautiful We went up to Vermont and just drove. Now, since the winds came in and blew all the glorious color away, it just sucks. The only thing about Novemeber that I’m looking forward to is a)the election and b)Nano. Oh, and box-o-pasta was a Lean Cuisine meal: rigatoni with tomato-basil sauce.
5:300pm
Oops, I slept a little too deeply too long for my daily nap! I need to go to bed early tonight.
6:00pm
Sometimes I wish I were a cat. Not have a goddamn thing to worry about, except finding that patch of sunlight to sleep in.
Then I remember how bad I am at keeping up a clean litterbox, and maybe I don’t want to be a cat after all. Maybe a snake. Or a bird. Or a gerbil. oh, nevermind, I like having dignity and the occasional deep thought…I wish I were a cat or a pampered trophy wife. Definitely never a dog.
7:00pm
Working two jobs sucks, but it could be worse: I could be working 60+hours a week and have no life at all. Instead I’m working 52 hours a week, and have half a life.
8:00pm
Ah, good to be home. Cats fed? Check. Shoes off? Now, check. Boob-harness removed and chucked aside? Double check. Check! Boy, does it feel good to let the girls flop. Now its time for a glass of wine, a long soak in a hot tub, and some casual bedtime reading.
Good night blog. Good night bra.
Good night shoes. Good night kitties eating food.
Good night chair. Good night phone.
Good night books and good night moon.
Maybe I should stop before I get charged with copyright infringement…
Lessons Learned 