At 5:45 am, the small battery powered vibrating alarm clock that hides under Rachel’s pillow bursts to life and shatters her dreams into tiny mental fragments that vanish into the cold autumn air. Rachel’s cat takes this opportunity to poke her in the eye.
15 minutes later, our fabulous heroine stumbles out of bed, jams on her slippers and sleepily totters outside to check on the functionality of her dubious automobile, the Noble Steel Steed of Saturn. “Please start today, motherfucker,” she mutters under her breath before she turns the key into the ignition. Does it start today? The engine turns over and purrs happily! Halleluia!
A few minutes later Our fearless leading lady decides to get ready for work. “What shall I wear today, self?” Rest assured, dear friends, she is not yet as crazy as she appears. After some perusing of her color-coded garments, our bold and forthright hero decides to wear a black sweater over a black and grey t-shirt, with dark jeans and black socks. Spiffy!
15 minutes later Our emo friend dashes out for work, picking up an egg sandwich at her favorite local deli on the way. She polishes off her breakfast with gusto! A strong eater.
She arrives at work. She starts work. What she does for work is quite boring. No need to watch that–lets fast forward through this, shall we? Let us all thank the Japanese for the powers of DVR.
One hour later Oh look, the paychecks are here! Our noble hero looks unsuprised at the number on the check. Its the same amount she gets every week. A coworker asks her what the background radiation on her process wipe test was. Our witty mistress of bad jokes is inspired! She–oh clever she–glances at her check and proclaims the answer to be “Zero!” Her co-stars act suitably amused. Oh happy day!
Rachel returns to her desk and waits for the new round of work to arrive. She looks down momentarily and notices a travesty of the highest order and slaps her forehead in dismay. In her haste to get dressed, she put on the wrong pair of shoes, oh hapless she! Instead of the black sneakers she had intended, she had slipped on the brown.
Oh the humanity!
But our heroine is undaunted! This travesty of epic proportions shall not fling her into the pit of humiliated despair. Rachel is made of stronger mettle, it seems. She laughs and is inspired to blog, oh happy day! A picture is taken. A blog post is begun. Our heroine’s tongue is thrust out in concentration and her writer’s brow is furrowed!
Stay tuned for further shenanigans from our wise and glorious star!