Lessons Learned

…holy fucking shit, has it really been over 3 weeks since I last posted? Well, shit. Let’s see here, did I do anything interesting in that time?

• Went to an ASL interpreted performance of the Lion King at Hartford’s Bushnell Theatre. Visually amazing! Spectacular puppets, bright costumes, energetic dances, cast of shirtless dudes; it was awesome. Oh, and the interpreters were pretty damn good too; one lady knew the translation of the African songs, and gave us deafies the words.
• All-deaf birthday party at a local nightclub (country-western bar, complete with dance hall, mechanical bull, pool tables, bar food, and dudes in cowboy hats. Oy, I thought I left that nonsense behind me in Idaho!) It was good fun, and I enjoyed reconnecting and meeting new friends.
• I done did my taxes, y’all. I’m getting enough of a refund to buy my precious Macbook at last. That is, unless karma doesn’t sneak up on me first to snatch my money away for something else, that fucking bitch. I hates karma, my precious, I hates it, I hates it.
• Goofed off on OKCupid a lot. Chatted a lot. Got absolutely nowhere, a lot. Some fizzled-out communications; disappointing, as there was a lot of hope there. Lots of random chats, most of which ended up being “booty call” or “wank material” seekers; very fucking annoying. But I suppose that’s to be expected in a free site. Still no dates, which fucking sucks a lot of buckyballs. (Is it me, or am I saying “a lot” a LOT? I better knock that shit off before it gets outta control. Like my cussing. I passed that point with my potty mouth in my early teens, and its been getting fucking worse every damn year since.)
• I did a lot of brooding over my writing projects while letting the dishes pile up. (I fucking hate dirty dishes more than I hates karma. I’m sure theres no connection.) I picked at my writer’s block some, and spoke very firmly with myself for lack of motivation and being too much of a distracted, procrastinating, potato-munching bum. Managed to get my head out of my ass long enough to realize that all that brooding on WHY I wasn’t writing was damn self-defeating foolishness and starting thinking of HOW I could BE writing. And LO! I has written a page this weekend! This writing thing may actually be a real fucking prospect now, huzzah!

I really like cussing. It’s cathartic. FUCK YEAH!

My brain is being squeezed into the back of my skull by all the mucus and phlegm inside my sinuses. My eyeballs feel tired and kinda full too. Maybe there’s mucus inside my eyes. I’m blowing my nose as much as I can, but it kinda buns now, and I don’t think its helping at all.

I need to distract myself from the slime factory inside my head. So I’m gonna do a list. I stole this one from WIGSF, who got it from Life in Lists, and its a list of favorite movies by genre.

Sci-fi
Star Trek: First Contact
Independance Day
Star Wars: Eps 4, 5, 6.

Fantasy
Princess Bride
Lord of the Rings
LadyHawke

Comedy
Lewis Black: Black on Broadway
Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Drama
Fight Club
Sixth Sense
Unbreakable

Animation
Finding Nemo
Up
Princess Mononoke

Action
Kill Bill 1 and 2
Terminator 2: Judgement Day

Foreign
Amelie
Seven Samurai
The Eye

Documentary
Supersize Me
Farhenheit 9/11

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to blow my nose, hock a loogie, and make other disgusting slime-related noises.

Ive been sick these past couple days.  I don’t usually willingly watch American Idol, because–hello? Deaf? I cant hear how bad or good these kids are–but I was surfing tv and couldnt find anything to watch, and it was on.  I stuck around for the end, and Im glad I did cuz the very last dude was a 62 year old General Larry Platt.He performed his own original song, a social critique on the horribleness that is baggy pants.

Marvelous! So elegant in its simplicity, so poignant in its earnest condemnation of pants on the ground. I am inspired to repost my own ancient plea, done way back when (last April):

Dear Dudes;

Step away from the baggy clothes, guys.

They don’t look good on you. They don’t look good on anyone–not the fat ones, nor the tall ones, the short ones. the beefy ones, or the average ones. Neither do they look good on the Black ones, the White ones, or the Hispanics, Asians, or the Indians. Bottom line, they don’t look good on anyone and especially not on you.

If you’ve got an athletic, muscular, fit body, why would you hide it under baggy tees and bulky jeans? If you are a big fellow, with a large paunch or flabby man-boobs, why would you make yourself look BIGGER wearing clothes ten times the size of your body?

Furthermore, my dear dudes, for the love of GAWD, please stop belting your pants under your buttcheeks! Showing off your boxers, layered over your tighty-whiteys, and tucking the back of your shirt(s) into those boxers makes you look like a stupid clown. It’s a ridiculous look, and I assure you, is completely unattractive. It makes your butt look like a plaid bubble. Combine that with your oversized clothes that hide your form like a male burka–it quite literally makes you look like an ass.

An ass with a head.

Don’t get me wrong, men, I’m not telling you to wear tight or clingy clothes, I’m asking you to please wear clothes that fit. That are properly cut to show off your assets and hide your flaws. A man’s good looks rests in his broad shoulders and arms, his narrow hips, and firm legs. I’m begging you, wear clothes that fit you in these areas, that make you look like a man, not a shapeless mass of fabric.

Dudes, do your penises a favor. Stop dressing like ass-clowns and start dressing like men.

Disgustedly,
Rachel

So cheers to General Larry Platt and lets all join in for a round of “Pants on the Ground!”

Hello All!
Its been a lazy, umstimulating holiday season, and that’s why I haven’t been motivated to post anything lately. Cuz lazy and unstimulating equals a lazy and unstimulated mind, see? And that means no blogging. Or anything else remotely creative and interesting.

The most exciting thing to happen these past few weeks (aside from Christmas Day dinner with my sister’s family, and a post-New Years gathering with a few friends last weekend) was when I discovered NBC’s new sitcom “Community” with Joel McHale and Chevy Chase. Now, let me tell you why I am so excited about this. I discovered the show only a few weeks ago, so it is well into its first season, if not already over, but the episode I saw for the first time was called “Comparative Religion” and all the characters were discussing their respective faiths. There’s a christian, a muslim, a jehovah’s witness, a cultist (Chevy Chase), a jew, an atheist; and when Joel McHale’s character declares he is an agnostic, everyone else boos and throws paperballs at him, for “agnostics are the lazy atheist”. For some reason, it just cracked me the fuck up. Its the first show in 10 years to actually make me laugh, and laugh consistently. Its clever, intelligent, sarcastic, and well done. And also, Chevy Chase’s character is a fucking riot. He’s indescribable. In one episode he’s teaching some guy how to sneeze like a man.

For 10 years, since reality tv has dominated the industry, television has been nothing but a glut of mediocrity drowning true creativity. Creativity, talent, and art really took a beating these past decade, so its a real delight to find something that is genuinely a work of spirit (which is my definition of art). I wish I could embed clips from the show for you, but neither my blackberry nor my desktop have the ability to do that, so instead I will just direct you to the show’s website on NBC.

Anyway, that was the most exciting thing to happen over the holidays. I spent most of my free time at home relaxing, doing nothing except chores, cooking, taking long hot baths with several books (I read the Sookie Stackhouse books, The Devil’s Dictionary, Foundation, and I am currently reading The Dragon Quartet.

I’ve also started really getting back into online dating again, more than before the holidays. The more time goes by, the more ready I feel. When I get stories to tell, tell I shall.

I had plenty of time for introspection and the contemplation of resolutions. I’m not really all that fond of “resolutions”; seems a pointless endeavor, really. Things you think about doing just because its the new year and its the time to think about things you should be doing really don’t get things done. In any case, I didn’t think of “resolutions” in the sense of “these are the things I want to do this year” but more like taking stock of my long-held goals and needs: remembering, reevaluating, reprioritizing, restrategizing, reaffirming.

My goals–or resolutions, whatever–this year are:

• get that damn computer already
• get a savings account and start putting money away: I think I’m finally in a position to start doing so!
• finish at least one of my many projects, and earn that sense of accomplishment I desperately crave.
• find art/writing groups or workshops to attend
• take a couple solitary weekends at the Cape during the summer to recoup energies
• cultivate a bold fearlessness in my relations with other people.

Okay, that is all I have to say today.
Toodles!

Today’s copycat muse comes from a fun fatshion and shopping blog called Manolo for the Big Girl, specifically, a weekly feature by contributor Plumcake called What Plumcake is… Only on this blog its called:

What Rachel Is…

Reading: Lips, eyes, body language. Blogs, online news, Facebook status updates. NOT Twitter, which is, IMHO, kinda lame.

Watching: The skies for signs of impending apocalypse.

Hearing: You’re kidding, right?

Smelling: A bitter, salty aroma, redolent of congealing blood and shattered hopes and dreams. (What? I’m at work!)

Loving: Fire. It keeps the cold outside and makes my bathwater hot.

Hating: Winter. The wind, it bites and nips the flesh–the icy cold, it burns, it burns!

Wanting: I want everything to go my way.

Buying: A MacBook Pro…in the summer.

Today’s copycat is courtesy of budding comedian MTAE over at N*ked on the Roof.. Those who see me around Facebook might recognize some of these.

1. Why is the word sarcasm so similar to orgasm? Or is it the other way around? Are the two related?

2. Men with large eyebrows kinda creep me out. Doesn’t matter if they are bushy or well-trimmed, brows as thick as or thicker than a pinkie finger is just…wrong.

3. Yanno, I’m with the guys on the whole toilet seat issue. Why should they be the only ones responsible for the state of the toilet? They must lift AND lower the seat? Why? I mean, its not that hard to lower the seat yourself. THEY have to lift before they pee, why should they also lower it when we can do it ourselves? If you fall into the toilet, its your own damn fault.

4. I’m getting really tired of this stray eyebrow hair sprouting off the bottom of my chin. At least I can reasonably say “not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!” Though why I would WANT to is something else entirely.

5. If I were the type to make new years resolutions, I’d resolve to be more social and outgoing. But I’m not a resolution type of gal. And being social sounds kinda like…well, WORK. What do social people do, anyway? Talk? Pretend to be interested and interesting? Yeah…nah.

This week I am copying other people. Because its the only idea I’ve got.

First off, from WIGSF, whose regular blog feature “Weekend Recap” inspires today’s post:

Rachel’s extra special Holiday Weekend Recap!

Thursday, Christmas Eve
Did NOT have the day off from work. Worked all day, 7:30 to 3:30. Normally I work until 4, but They decided to let us peons out a half our early. Merry Christmas, right? Got home, took a long hot bath with a book, and chatted online with several people for a while.

Friday, Christmas Day
Woke up around 10 am. After getting dressed and feeding the cat, went to my sister’s for some christmas family time. Santa left me a pair of glittery striped socks. Thanks, Santa! Spent most of the day chatting with Sister, who was like a zombie (because her kids are 7 and 4, respectively, and woke up at 5:30). We all had prime rib roast for dinner, and watched A Christmas Story, the only christmas movie I like. Went home before the expected ice storm was supposed to arrive–it never did.

Saturday, day after Christmas
Woke up to my cat walking on my head. Started doing my chores and errands. After feeding the cat her wet turkey sludge (stuff looks disgusting but she loves it), I went out to do said chores and errands.

• Pet store to get more turkey sludge.
• Fashion Bug to exchange pants for a different color (from grey to black)
• Walmart to buy a crockpot. Walmart had bupkis.
• Target for a crockpot. Found a steel 5-qt Crockpot.
• Grocery store. Bought fixings for beef stew and roast chicken.

After all that excitement, I went home, washed my dishes, borrowed my neighbor’s lighter to relight a pilot light in my stove, and the went online to goof off until bedtime.

Sunday, day after the day after Christmas
Woke up late, and started my beef stew. Threw everything (beef, garlic, onion, carrot, celery, potato, parsley, bay, tarragon, stock, cranberry juice, salt & pepper) into my brand new crockpot. Watched a couple movies on tv.: “Agent Cody Banks” (horrible movie, and I hated what they did to Angie Harmon’s character–costuming department, leather outfits, seriously?), part of “Knocked Up” (not too fond of this either: leaving aside the questionable premise, the “funny” really wasn’t. I liked the dude’s character in “Zack and Miri”, but in this one, he came off as an annoying schlub), and then some t.v. movie/show with Noah Wyle as “The Librarian”. It was okay. Then I took my bath, and spent an hour or so catching up with an old friend online.

I had a fucked up dream. It wasn’t scary, or sad, or anything like that, just utterly ridiculous and fucked up. And as you might have guessed from the title of this post, all about work.

I usually never remember my dreams, but sometimes, when I am sleeping lightly, I remember them. This morning it was my bladder keeping me up with a fake UTI (seriously what the fuck is up with that? I don’t have an infection, but I kept feeling that painful urge to pee absolutely nothing but air? Just not right, bladder! Today I am chugging cranberry juice and lukewarm water.)

The dream played out thus: the entire lab was stuffed into a studio apartment, complete with bed, kitchen, computer, and tv. The studio belonged to Lindsey and her baby. It was night time, and Lindsey and the baby were busy doing baby things, and we were all finishing up on work when the case I was working on fell apart and thousands of radioactive “seeds” went EVERYWHERE. The desk, the carpeted floor, the kitchen, into the soup. Everyone went home, Lindsey and the baby went to bed, and I spent what felt like hours finding and picking seeds off the floor. Everytime I thought I found them all, a geiger sweep would tell me “no, there’s still these five over here, and oh look, there’s more over there!”

I’d wake up, try to pee (air, of course) and I’d go back dreaming where I left off…picking up radioactive seeds out of a shag carpet…three times that night.

I finally woke up for the day wondering what the hell? And certian today is gonna suck a bit. Hopefully not a lot, and hopefully, I won’t lose any seeds, cuz having prophetic powers is NOT what I want for Christmas.