Pool Side Musings or Garcon, Another Margarita, Please!

So I’m taking a break from dating for a few weeks, or a couple months. Dating is exhausting.

This is not to say that I dislike dating, for that isn’t the case at all. For the most part, with a couple of exceptions, I have enjoyed the dates I have had, and the men I have met have all been nice people that I am glad to have met. Even the “bad dates.”

The thing is, I do not date for the sake of dating (though some might argue that I should); I date because I want to meet the man with whom I can have a lasting relationship with–as a friend, lover, partner, and spouse. I know I probably shouldn’t expect too much, and I have told myself that many times, but if I didn’t expect that, then what would I be dating for?

The fact is, I do have expectations, and when those expectations aren’t met, I get disappointed. Too much disappointment is a heavy load to bear.

Its like I told a friend on facebook the other day, in a conversation about “having to wade through the shit to find the gold” and I replied that swimming is tiring, and now its time to lounge on the barcolounger with a margarita and watch the kiddies play in the wading pool (which in the thread was an oblique reference to sports bars).

I have no intention of actually getting into the bar scene–I am not convinced it is a good way for anyone to meet a future spouse–especially not for a person like me. I also think that the next round of dating will have to be through a paid site, and not through a free site like okcupid, where I have been. I’m not sure that my chances at meeting the right person would be improved on a different format, but I was using okcupid off and on for two years, and it didn’t work for me, so its time to move on to something else.

But not quite just yet. In a few weeks or so. I need to regain my sense of integrity first.

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10 thoughts on “Pool Side Musings or Garcon, Another Margarita, Please!

  1. I still think your big problem w/ okcupid is its apparent inability to distinguish between “Liberal” and “Libertarian”. I mean, HONESTLY. How they think they’ll ever match anybody is beyond me. Anyway, a break will be nice. You can focus on yourself and when you go back to dating it’ll be that much better. ❤

  2. When I’ve used dating sites, I periodically take a break to re-group. I am also ultimately hoping for a serious, long-term relationship, but it does take a lot of weeding through. Still, I can’t say I haven’t had some interesting and fun experiences.

  3. I am certainly not one to hand out sage advice about dating, as I appear to know very little about the subject myself, but the bar scene is a waste of time. Seriously. Speaking from experience, it’s not worth the effort. It’s okay to hang out with friends at a bar, but the expectation of meeting The Love of Your Life ™ in one is slim. I recall one night (way back in the mists of time when I was in my 30s) standing in a bar watching people pose and pretend and scream at each other over music and chain-smoke into each other’s faces (when it was legal to do that) and think, ‘Jesus… this really sucks… Do I want to spend my life with these people?’
    Not a huge revelation, but a revelation nonetheless.
    You are most wise (though it is not necessarily easier) to step away from it all and gain a better perspective.

  4. Definitely not the bars. I think taking a break from your own expectations (and disappointments) is an excellent idea, and far preferable to marrying in haste, as they say, and repenting at leisure. When you take the pressure off yourself and stop actively looking, the right person tends to appear. Good luck! Someone will be very lucky to get you.

  5. That’s uncanny–I just checked PlentyofFish.com and Match.com, though I haven’t registered. I’ve never tried online dating, but I think I’m going to have to. In my Mobile hometown, I had a girlfriend every few years, or so (though she was almost always older than I). But the women here in Pensacola are different–this town is much less open-minded and cultural (particularly toward the literary arts) than Mobile. I’d move back there now, if I could just move this house!

    Anyway, your comment about the bar scene reminds me of a saying that’s probably valid in most cases: “You meet ’em in a bar, you lose ’em in a bar.”

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