Ive been sick these past couple days. I don’t usually willingly watch American Idol, because–hello? Deaf? I cant hear how bad or good these kids are–but I was surfing tv and couldnt find anything to watch, and it was on. I stuck around for the end, and Im glad I did cuz the very last dude was a 62 year old General Larry Platt.He performed his own original song, a social critique on the horribleness that is baggy pants.
Marvelous! So elegant in its simplicity, so poignant in its earnest condemnation of pants on the ground. I am inspired to repost my own ancient plea, done way back when (last April):
Step away from the baggy clothes, guys.
They don’t look good on you. They don’t look good on anyone–not the fat ones, nor the tall ones, the short ones. the beefy ones, or the average ones. Neither do they look good on the Black ones, the White ones, or the Hispanics, Asians, or the Indians. Bottom line, they don’t look good on anyone and especially not on you.
If you’ve got an athletic, muscular, fit body, why would you hide it under baggy tees and bulky jeans? If you are a big fellow, with a large paunch or flabby man-boobs, why would you make yourself look BIGGER wearing clothes ten times the size of your body?
Furthermore, my dear dudes, for the love of GAWD, please stop belting your pants under your buttcheeks! Showing off your boxers, layered over your tighty-whiteys, and tucking the back of your shirt(s) into those boxers makes you look like a stupid clown. It’s a ridiculous look, and I assure you, is completely unattractive. It makes your butt look like a plaid bubble. Combine that with your oversized clothes that hide your form like a male burka–it quite literally makes you look like an ass.
An ass with a head.
Don’t get me wrong, men, I’m not telling you to wear tight or clingy clothes, I’m asking you to please wear clothes that fit. That are properly cut to show off your assets and hide your flaws. A man’s good looks rests in his broad shoulders and arms, his narrow hips, and firm legs. I’m begging you, wear clothes that fit you in these areas, that make you look like a man, not a shapeless mass of fabric.
Dudes, do your penises a favor. Stop dressing like ass-clowns and start dressing like men.
So cheers to General Larry Platt and lets all join in for a round of “Pants on the Ground!”