One fish, two fish. Red fish, blue fish…

After my last post, I got to thinking about what I did not like in men and dating. And the list is long, my friends. Long enough to make me think I’m a mite picky.

Turn-offs

I don’t like:

  • Being chased
  • Being evaluated/judged/criticized
  • Being oggled
  • Being condesended to/patronized
  • Being talked at
  • Being hovered over

Types:

  • Jocks
  • “bad boys”
  • Pickup artists/playas (and the wanna-bes and flunkies)

Personality characteristics:

  • Aggressiveness
  • Narcissism
  • Cockiness
  • Ignorance
  • Stupidity
  • Materialism
  • Right-wingery
  • Evangelism
  • Lying
  • Judgmental

Appearance:

  • shaven bald head
  • excessive and unruly facial hair
  • sloppy, unkempt clothes and hair
  • musclebound/bodybuilding

What do you think? Am I being too picky? Well, even if I am, I don’t think I care that much. I mean, I’d rather being single and celibate than be involved with an inappropriate man. I’ll hold out for someone I can honestly appreciate and like as well as love.

I know what I don’t like, and I also know what I do like, and that list is just as long as, if not longer than, my turn-offs. So, perhaps there’s hope yet inside that ocean of fish–if it hasn’t been over-harvested, that is! Lord knows the good ones get snatched up quickly!

Turn-ons

Types:

  • Nerds/dorks
  • artists
  • class clowns
  • average joes
  • metros

Personality characteristics:

  • educated
  • bibliophile
  • creative/crafty/handy
  • conversationalist
  • friendly
  • respectful
  • compassionate
  • emotionally and mentally stable
  • honorable
  • polite
  • politically and socially Liberal
  • spiritually unconventional and religiously skeptical.

Appearance:

  • Good smile/teeth (I’m a lipreader. I stare at mouths all day. This is important)
  • Well-groomed
  • Clean, well-fitting clothes

There are some things I might be willing to compromise on, as long as the fellow exhibits positive personaliy traits.

Must-have:

  • intellectual
  • sense of humor
  • kind and well-mannered
  • reads books, including fiction
  • good smile
  • knows or is willing to learn American Sign Language

I might date a jock if he’s not a bald, arrogant bully, for example.

But there are some things I’d never compromise on, the deal-breakers:

  • Smokes or does drugs
  • Cheats
  • Exhibits cruel, abusive, or selfish behavior
  • Lacks intellectual curiousity

Right now, despite whatever message this post might insinuate, I’m quite happy being single. The celibacy doesn’t bother me too much, quite yet. I’m in no hurry to go fishing, nor am I starving for my catch. That great fish, that studly sturgeon, can swim in that big pond for a while longer. (Even if I’m getting “old” and toeing the spinster line.)

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21 thoughts on “One fish, two fish. Red fish, blue fish…

  1. Doesn’t seem that picky to me – you know what you want and you won’t settle for just anything just so you’re not alone.

    Sounds good to me.

  2. Well, the sign language thing makes obvious sense. That’s a bit of a no-brainer. So is the other obvious stuff like “sense of humour” and “kind” and doesn’t cheat and all that kind of stuff that every woman says she wants, but let’s face facts, if women didn’t date guys who cheated and treated them like crap, there wouldn’t be guys who cheat and treat women like crap.

    Meanwhile, there are so so so many guys who are sweet and caring and kind and funny and smart (and probably willing to give sign language a try) and ALONE! They’re probably around you right now. You’ve just never noticed them before.

    I totally get the smile thing. A smile is the most beautiful part of a woman. Not just the lips. You know, when someone is truly happy, their smile infects their whole face. It’s like their eyes are smiling too. I love a beautiful smile on a woman. Even more than a sweet ass or a nice rack, I love a smile. Besides, looking at a woman’s smile is less pervy.

    But I think you got picky when you started in on the “right wingery.” You would actually not date a guy because he’s willing to vote to the right. That’s really picky.

    1. Actually I would give the right-winger a chance to show that he has the vast majority of the other qualities I like, IF he satisfies the must-have and deal-breaker criteria. LOL But if I actually got into a relationship with a right-winger, there would be a LOT of “heated debates” not necessarily a bad thing, I like a good debate, but it could also become a seed-bed of contention.

      1. There’s nothing wrong with a healthy discussion as long as both parties (you and him, not donkeys and elephants) can each share their own ideas and listen (you know what I mean) openly to each other’s ideas and opinions. I don’t know. Maybe I’m stupid. I thought that’s what a relationship is supposed to be. I’m not saying that a relationship should turn into Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala arguing over minute aspects of federal policy that has little to no effect on the average American. But healthy discussion is the basis of your democratic system, right?

        Still, I must heed my father’s relationship advice: never go to bed angry. Regardless of the irrelevance of the discussion (most socio-political discussions are irrelevant in the grand scheme), always find a way to settle down and go to bed happy. Hence, make-up sex. Or, so I’ve heard.

  3. “Right-wingery” is funny.

    I’ll defend you on this one…just because I feel like it…not because you need me too. I have to think that I would be turned off to anyone “right-wing” or “left-wing”…because it really shows a propensitiy to close-mindedness.

    Now I step off my little box…

    1. yeah, extremists can get a little hide-bound in the “rightness” of their views. hell, I can be too. Im pretty far to the left on the political spectrum myself. I find my counterparts on the right immensely annoying, as they no doubt feel about me.

  4. I love the word right-wingery, too. I think everyone has a set of lists, whether or not they’ve actually written them out. For the physical things, you can’t help what you are attracted to. I don’t have a physical “type” and tend to love the body of a man I love. For instance, I was very attracted to my ex- husband who is tall an thind and also to my ex-boyfriend who is broad-shouldered and muscular. But there are physical deal-breakers which aren’t right or wrong, but just mine. I like my men smart and funny. Those are non-negotiable – I absolutely have to be with someone I can talk and laugh with. I am never happy spending a lot of time with a man who doesn’t have both those things. For me, being reasonably liberal is a must. So hyper-relgiosity is a deal-breaker, as is smoking. And you know, cheating.

  5. 🙂 Ya know, I read these blogs and see the comments from intelligent, articulate women professing their love for geeky/nerdy guys like me and I’m always left wondering: “Where are you? What state/town are you in? Hows the housing market cuz I’m moving there right now!” I have to tell you that you are all a rare breed of woman because in almost 4 years of being single, haven’t found a single one of you….
    Ok, maybe it’s because I work two jobs and barely sleep and ok, maybe I’m not putting myself out there as much but when I read these blogs, you would think I would occassionally run into a woman who is totally into my geekiness on first sight and we would run away together to a comi-con or to a They Might Be Giants concert… but no…*sighs*

  6. You know I always joke about getting it from wherever, whenever, by whomever, and however. After reading this though, you have restored the pride in myself (what little there is these days). I too would like to be picky in my choices. Thanks Rachel!

  7. It didn’t strike me as picky either but then, like glassowater, I tend to fit the general criteria as well, to no currently useful avail.
    I do know some sign language, as well. I just have to learn to use more than one finger…

  8. I could have written your list if I were single. It’s great to know exactly what you do and don’t want because the first step is to be clear with yourself. Writing it down strengthens the intention and also helps to attract what you want, so you are not really waiting idly. You are being proactive without leaving your home. The right one is out there looking for you, and at some point your paths will intersect, probably when you least expect it..

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