I got creeped out, so I spam-filtered him.

First, some background. On the 8th, my friend K___ and I went to New York City for the day. We went to the Met, hung out at Central Park, had a light dinner, and wrapped up the night with the NY branch of Deaf Professionals Happy Hour at the Chelsea Brewery. It was a huge crowd of signing deaf folks and I met several cool deaf people and had some good chats. There was one fellow who latched on to me, a nice guy and a good conversationalist. He asked for my contact info and I gave him my email. Apparently, a big mistake.

***A note on deafness: What follows is an example of how native American Sign Language “speakers” write English. The thought patterns between the two languages are so drastically different, it is often very difficult for deaf students to learn how to write English, and teachers in Deaf schools often aren’t skilled enough at ASL themselves to properly teach deaf kids the differences between the two language structures.***

8/9/09 10:28am
Hi Rachel;
How are you and everything with you? I hope that you got home in Connecticut yesterday safety? How is about your Best Friend K____?

It was nice meeting you yesterday and thanks for the good time that we shared. You are cool and a nice person and I love your beautiful and wonderful smile and funny too.

I am thinking of coming to Connecticut this coming Saturday for us to go to restaurant and have dinner. You don’t need to worry about the expenses. I will take of them all. Your friend K____ can join us too if she want to.

I look forward to read from you. Take care and enjoy the beautiful weather!

8/9/09 2:07pm
Hi James!

Thank you for your kind words. Both Kristen and I had a grand time. We are looking forward to going again.

I am afraid this coming Saturday is not a good time for what you suggest, as I have already planned time with my sister’s family that weekend. Perhaps another time?

Thanks, and it was good to meet you and everyone else.

Rachel.

8/9/09 2:37pm
Hi Rachel:

Thanks a bunch of more abundantly for your kind email that I have just read. It is alright to have the plan other time as you will not be available this coming weekend. I will let you know in advance for a new date earlier this week.

Please always feel free and don’t hesitate to keep in touch with me in any moment. Have a great day and take care!

James

8/11/09 9:13pm
Hi Rachel:
How are you and how have you been doing. I hope that life is treating you well and that things are not stressful to you?

8/12/09 6:02pm
Hi Rachel:
How are you? I didn’t read from you yesterday and I hope everything is well with you.

Will it be a good idea with you in my coming to Connecticut on Saturday August 22 at the evening on the suggest that I made with you?

I still love that your beautiful and wonderful smile and funny too.

James

{I got uncomfortable with this particular email.It felt clingy, rushed, and altogether too intense. I don’t like being chased, and thats exactly how this guy was starting to make me feel.}

8/12/09 8:55pm
James
Thank you for the nice compliments. I’m afraid the date you suggest is not good for me. I recently broke up with my ex, and I am not interested in dating anyone. I probably wont be interested for a while. But thanks anyway, it was nice meeting and chatting with you and everyone at DPHH.
Rachel

8/13/09 7:01pm
Hi Rachel:
How are you today and your work. I understood your last email to me. I was touched and moved by it. I ask that you kindly don’t take this my email to you as being desperately. I understood how you felt of your last relationship. I know that it may not be easily for you but try to take heart. I felt how you feel and don’t let the past frustrating you, making you feel down or lose of self trust.

We know that issues don’t stop life going on or stop the world moving. On several occasion, when we ask God something and He refused to give it to us, we keep on asking Him without giving up and when He sees the honest desire of our hearts, He provides it to us because He knows it is for real and it will make us happy forever.

{Woah, “God”. Ugh. For those who aren’t aware, I am an atheist, and this was a complete turn-off as well as a major creep-alert. It gets worse, read on:}


I hope that you have read the book of Romeo and Julie. It is a very moving story that Romeo keeps on wanting relationship with Julie without willing to give up on Julie and Julie finally see that it is for real and gave in to Romeo and both live happily forever after even in death. It is a very touching story and it is worthy of intimately for those who want to have happiness ending in a real relationship.

When I saw you, I attracted you and hope to have companion with you and I know that I need to take it slow. I want you to know that I am for real with you and looking for dating with you to enable you get to know me better. Should we successfully make it through the dating, we will not be boyfriend and girlfriend but we will get married, signed, sealed and delivered that I promise to love you forever in good health and in sickness showing a lot of care. I will always be there for you on your side at all times and my love for you will never faded. I will at all times making sure that we are happy even though life is not a smooth ride, we will always take charge of our responsibilities to one another and solve our differences with love. I will always be only for you and will proudly wearing my ring for you showing my integrity, loyal and honestly cherish and love for you at all times.

Looking forward to read from you and thanks for your time in reading this genuine email.

James

8/14/09 6:42pm
Hi Rachel:
How are you? I hope that you have a good time with your sister’s family when you go to visit them tomorrow for the weekend

For me, I will not be working tomorrow and Sunday but will be taking the time tomorrow to vacuum the luxury carpets in the whole three bedrooms and the living room as well as mop the two bathrooms and the kitchen and clean the many closets. I normally do them when I am off from work. At the evening, I will go to restaurant in Manhattan to treat myself some dinners and also go to movie to watch District 9 that just come out today. On Sunday, I may go to Empire State Building. It has so many funny activities there in Manhattan. Manhattan is a few minutes away from my home in Brooklyn. How I wish that you participate with me for these outing.

8/14/09 7:23pm
James

The answer is no. Stop trying to change my mind. It wont happen. You are starting to bother me. And this is the last time I will reply to your emails.

YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE.

Please, stop chasing me!

R.

8/14/09 9:01pm
Apologized for how you felt

8/14/09 9:31pm
You accepted the apology that I sent to you?

{At this point I’m feeling harassed and seriously annoyed. And a little sorry for this guy, because he’s trying so hard, but I have to stand my ground. And, like my mother, when I say no I mean it. And I’m stubborn as hell, and all attempts to change my mind just makes my “no”s more set in stone.}


8/15/09 8:17am
Hi Rachel:
Good morning. I am so sorry for what you said in your last email.
I will not be feeling happy or comfortably if you feel that I am starting to bother you. Your happiness is of paramount importance.

I would like us to keep in touch. I know that you are a cool person.
I will appreciate it if we can have Friendship with each other.
Let me know. I hold you in high esteem.

James

8/15/09 12:59pm
Hi Rachel:
I have not read from you about us to have Friendship?
James

8/15/09 7:39pm
Hi Rachel:
How are you and things with you. I hope that you are having a good weekend. Please have the heart and the strength to forgive me and reply to my emails about having Friendship with you. I still see you as a cool and nice person.
Thanks.

James

At that point I had enough. I set my spam filters to block his emails. I meant it when I said I would not reply to any further contact. I just don’t understand why he didn’t get it. I dont regret it, but I do feel bad for him. But he creeped me out big time, so into the ban bin he went.

The joys of being single never cease.

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23 thoughts on “I got creeped out, so I spam-filtered him.

  1. OMG!! Good decision on your part. I have to say, I really really admire your ability to be straightforward. I have always struggled with being firm from the get-go.

    I wanted to ask, regarding what you posted about how deaf people have difficulty with writing, how you seem to have absolutely no problem in this regard. Were you not deaf from birth? I hope that isn’t too personal a question ask. I was just curious. 🙂

    1. I was deaf from birth, but ASL isn’t my first language, English is. I was raised under the oral-aural approach to deaf education and didnt learn to sign until I was 13, and I never really understood ASL until college. ASL doesnt come naturally to me–I have to turn off my English brain in order to even sign ASL.

      As for the straightforwardness. I was channeling my mother. (Hi Mom!) I hate being mean or confrontational, but my mom told me once that there’s nothing wrong with being a “bitch”, and sometimes, in order to protect yourself, you have to be. Plus, if it seems that someone is not paying attention to or respecting what you’re saying, then its time to stop being nice. If making yourself understood means being a bitch, then do it!

      1. I should explain my first paragraph a bit more:

        I typically sign in a pidgen of English and ASL. Which is ASL vocabulary (signs, facial expressions, lack of prepositional words, etc..) with English syntaxical structure and mouthing of words. I.e. I still think in English.

        When I’m with ASL signers, I start out thinking in English for a bit, then my mind begins to shift to ASL think. Its hard to maintain, since the vast majority of deaf people use Pidgen for the benefit of non-natives.

        I can understand ASL far better than I can “speak” it.

        1. That’s really fascinating! I’ve always wanted to learn ASL, and still hope to one day, and I hadn’t thought of the disparity between it and English, though I can certainly see how that would be the case now.

          Can you read lips at all? I find this stuff really interesting, as I love seeing how the brain tends to learn or compensate for missing senses.

          1. Yeah Im a fairly decent lipreader. But its an art, not a science, and my skill at lipreading varies widely, depending on the person who is speaking. Im planning a post about lipreading, and I will eventually get into more detail about that later.

    1. Thanks for confirming it, I was concerned that maybe I was overreacting. But then I realized, there had to be SOMETHING to be reacting to, and thats good enough a reason to tell the guy to be gone.

  2. well – you certainly had quite an effect on him.

    that was a bit creepy.

    he certainly writes as if english were his second language. which – it is, as ASL is his first.

    1. He was average. Black, mid-40s. Not my type, my though. Too old and he shaves his head bald, a look I personally find unattractive, no matter what race.

  3. Yeah, definitely creepy. And there is nothing worng with being a bitch to get your point across if everything else has failed.

  4. Wow, it was interesting to watch him merge from being sweet to creepy. Talking about marriage BEFORE the first date!! It’s a little sad, and yet I think you did the right thing. And you were very kind about it, he just wsn’t able to hear it until you were extremely direct.

    I recently turned down a date in a very direct way by email. It was a much older guy and I said, “Thank you for the invitation. I really do appreciate it but I only date men my own age.” I never heard from him again. I’m pretty sure I royally offended him.

  5. As creepy as he is [and you’re right, he is really really creepy] I had to laugh a little when he asked if you had read the book [dude, it’s a play] about Romeo and Julie [Juliet’s evil twin?]. He thinks they lived happily forever after [even into death]? Was he proposing marriage and a suicide pact at the same time? Maybe it just lost a bit when he had to translate it into his native language….

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