Cubicle wars!

It seems that anytime a group of humans are trapped together in a big, mostly windowless box, and said box is further divided into many smaller, increasingly windowless boxes, some people forget common sense and courtesy and tolerance. Which is kind of amazing considering that in order to survive living in a large windowless box filled with smaller windowless boxes, people must exercise common sense, courtesy, and tolerance. But the kicker, the absolute laugh-out-loud kicker, is that no one in any of these boxes ever thinks that maybe, just maybe, they are failing the common sense, courtesy and tolerance rule too! Case in point, check out these passive-aggressive notes, so lovingly bestowed upon the walls of the many mini-boxes inside my flourescent-lighted workplace.

everybodypoops

Translation: sit your fat ass on the fucking toilet seat, you damn fool.

(Note the cute pictures.)

fightforyourrighttoparty

Translation: Pipe down, whippersnappers!

noteasybeinggreen

Translation: stop costing the company money, you greedy fucks!

respect

Translation: I (whoever “I” is) am not your maid, you filthy slobs.

wedidntstartthefire

Translation: Even Grandma knows better than to put cheese-crusted bread and pastries inside a fucking toaster, you inebriated loons.

So there you have it. My workplace is populated, or so it seems, with fire-starting, sink-filling, tree-killing, disturbing-the-peace, toothpaste-spitting, toiletphobic boobs.

You know what the absolute, realer-than-real kicker is? I actually like working there. Those people are fucking crazy.

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20 thoughts on “Cubicle wars!

  1. Hey, I better not be one of those phobic people you are referring to! LOL…I, too, really love my job and still enjoy going there everyday. However, nice post!
    See you next week, ME

  2. Dudette, you write great blogs-this was funny. An addendum to the “signs” you posted:

    First sign: This workplace is the only place in history with a smellier, more unkempt women’s restroom than the men (Put up by LAZY-EYE TEE)

    Second sign: You KNOW I despise that one the most! (Put up only on the suggestion of the Blonde)

    Third sign: THE most hypocritical garbage in the whole place! It has nothing to do with the company saving money, but the prissy interdictions of one “higher-up” who has nothing to do. (Put up directly in the women’s room and kitchen by Ibid., who has no problem wasting electricity on the gadgets in said cube, as well as using higher quality unrecycled printer paper, 1 sheet of which is worth multiple recycled content paper towels). There was a sign in the men’s room, but someone tore that down quickly-I didn’t get time to do it myself and blab to my fellow cubers (very loudly) that I did it.

    Fourth sign: I don’t wash my dishes, but I also bring mine home everyday.

    Fifth sign: I agree with what you wrote.

    Nice try young lady, but YOU are part of this crazy herd! Muahahahaha as am I! You’re not on the outside looking in from your highness Your Highness, you’re part of the epidemic 😛

    1. And Jake proves the other point I wanted to make but wasn’t able to; that putting up these signs is one other way to utterly fail the “common sense, courtesy, and tolerance” rule of trapped-herd survival. See how annoyed he is? Thats what these signs do, aggravate tensions!

    1. Yeah. I gotta figure out how to make it take better quality pictures. So damn blurry and grey. I apologize to everyone if they can’t read the texts.

  3. Who exactly IS the Toaster Police. I seem to remember all sorts of toaster friendly things that should be allowed in there. What about an Eggo?

    There wasn’t an abundance of “please” and “thank you” being thrown around in those proganda posters.

  4. I’m sick and tired of being clean and neat. I wanna take a dump in the middle of the boardroom for cryin’ out loud.

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