“Hi There, Future Love!”

The above line was recently directed at me in a vain attempt to capture my interest. I was online, browsing a dating site. My response: a loud eyeroll and a delete on the chat window. If this had been in a bar, I would have been the girl struggling not to make a face, grabbing my drink and moving as far away as I possibly can.

I feel bad for guys who feel they have to use pick up lines to get a girl’s attention. I know its hard, and that it takes courage to make the first approach and risk rejection, but its sad because those lines just sound cheesy and lame and only guarantee rejection. They aren’t clever, nor are they amusing or flattering, and they are especially not romantic. A guy using them does so on the assumption that all girls are alike and are easily manipulated by transparent lines. It does make them stand out, but not in a good way. It makes a guy look cheesy, inexperienced, insecure, and clueless.
And desperate.

A line like the one used above just insults my intelligence, my needs, my femininity, my personhood.

Pick-up lines reverberate with a desperate need to prove something, and for me, and likely for a lot of other women, some internal biological instinct interprets that as male competition and dominance. Just not attractive.

Meeting people is not a competition. Finding love or even just sex is not about proving to some girl that you’re better than the rest of the guys, its not about standing out from the pack and proving you’re the best catch. Its actually about showing the girl you’ve got the confeidence in your own ability to be attractive, that you feel you might meet her exacting specifications, to show you’re interested in finding out what those secifications are, and to show that you have the ability to see her as a equal, not as a conquest to be won.

Despite repeated exhortions not to use cheesy pick-ups, guys continue to use them. Why? I suppose they must work to some degree, but is the kind of girl who falls for them really the kind of girl you guys want a relationship with?

You’ve got to tailor your approach to match the type of girl you want to attract. Guys, if you keep winding up with girls who aren’t right for you, it just be because you aren’t using the right tactics, or the right introductions. If you want a smart, sophisticated girl with class, that you can commit to instead of just fool around with, pick up lines are NOT the way to get her. The best way to get a girl to respond to you is to smile, show friendliness, respect her space, and say your name. Say why you are speaking to her–and this is important–don’t use nicknames, don’t say “sexy” or “hot”, and don’t mention her body. And don’t use prepackaged lines!

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6 thoughts on ““Hi There, Future Love!”

  1. You have no idea how hard it is to approach a woman. Sure, women claim they know, but they don’t.

    And the worst part of all, is that women won’t say “No.” Sure, they mean “no,” but they’ll use every single word in their vocabulary before they use that one. It’s like women are allergic to saying “No” (in that situation, they have no problem saying it a certain other situation).

  2. The worst line ever: Haven’t we met somewhere before. A guy used that on me once. I rolled my eyes and turned around.

    Then I realized, um yeah, we had, we were in college together. It was incredibly embarrassing to go up to him and say. Um, yeah, you’re right, we have. Nothing ever game of it, but it was lots of fun reconnecting.

  3. I don’t think there are ANY two women that were ever created that are even close to the same.

    And the assumption that a guy know what he really wants is like making the assumption that a woman knows what she really wants.

    The whole situation is impossible.

  4. I suppose they must work to some degree, but is the kind of girl who falls for them really the kind of girl you guys want a relationship with?

    This presumes the guy is looking for a relationship.

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