How can you make lemonade without sugar?

When I woke up this morning (always around 5:30 because the cat will absolutely perish if she doesn’t get fed right this minute!), I lurched lopsided, with my spine curved to the left, and my left shoulder tucked in. And it occured to me, that I’ve been doing this for some time now, lopsidedly lurching towards the left.

Yesterday morning, whilst engaged in this ritual with my cat, I thusly lurched into a shard of glass, which impaled itself a full half-centimeter into my foot. My foot still kind of hurts.

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Today, I was kicked out of work for fears of aporkalypitic contagion, and told in no uncertain terms to get it tested. So I spent nearly an hour looking for a walk-in clinic, because I don’t have a personal doctor, and the two clinics I was able to find in the phone book would not take walk-ins, and niether knew of any walk-in in the city. So I went to the hospital, and since they also didn’t know of any walk-ins, ended up getting my snot tested in the ER. After a two hour stay, I got my results back: NOT the hamthrax. No one need fear anything from me! Apparently, all I had was some sort of pissant virus that causes flu-like symptoms. MILD flu-like symptoms. I had the flu, but not TEH SWINE FLU OOGABOOGABOOGA.

So I’m embarrased. I had beleived that it was likely to be the SWINE FLU OOGABOOGABOOGA because my symptoms mostly matched descriptions of confirmed cases from healthy survivors, and I have been vaccinated for the seasonal flu, in which that season has passed. And I was told there was a backlog of tests, and since I wasn’t DYING, I decided to just stay home and recover. I was wrong. I hate being wrong.

At this moment, I’m just tired and irritated at everybody, including myself, for making my life difficult. You all know who you are, and yes, I’m including you Media, and you too, pig-kissing bastard child.

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7 thoughts on “How can you make lemonade without sugar?

  1. Here’s a lesson I learned about cats. If the cat is hungry, tell it to catch a mouse or something and eat that.

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