Dear Clothing Designers;
I cannot in good conscience call you “fashion designers” because the garments you have created for this season’s lineup are anything but fashionable! What is this loathsome, vomitous garbage? What the fuck is wrong with you people? What in hell possessed you to think that these shapeless, gaudy, tacky, pieces of shit were fashion-worthy?
I cannot possibly wear these hideous things. Unlike your models, I am not an anorexic stick. I am a plump woman with big boobs, a tiny waist, a big ass, and thunder thighs. Do you have any idea what these clothes do to a woman like me? It makes us look shapeless and FAT, people!
You know what your problem is? You’re no longer designing clothes for the market–you’re designing clothes for your models. You have one body type in the entire fashion industry and you design all your clothes around that one body type. Your industry revolves around the models, not you! How stupid is that? Wouldn’t it make more sense to design clothes for a variety of differently-shaped women and then hire a variety of differently-shaped models to fit those designs? Imagine the versatility! Imagine the exploding market! Imagine the money!
Y’all better shape up for Winter, or gawd help me, I’ll make my own fucking clothes.
With much ire,
Step away from the baggy clothes, guys.
They don’t look good on you. They don’t look good on anyone–not the fat ones, nor the tall ones, the short ones. the beefy ones, or the average ones. Neither do they look good on the Black ones, the White ones, or the Hispanics, Asians, or the Indians. Bottom line, they don’t look good on anyone and especially not on you.
If you’ve got an athletic, muscular, fit body, why would you hide it under baggy tees and bulky jeans? If you are a big fellow, with a large paunch or flabby man-boobs, why would you make yourself look BIGGER wearing clothes ten times the size of your body?
Furthermore, my dear dudes, for the love of GAWD, please stop belting your pants under your buttcheeks! Showing off your boxers, layered over your tighty-whiteys, and tucking the back of your shirt(s) into those boxers makes you look like a stupid clown. It’s a ridiculous look, and I assure you, is completely unattractive. It makes your butt look like a plaid bubble. Combine that with your oversized clothes that hide your form like a male burka–it quite literally makes you look like an ass.
An ass with a head.
Don’t get me wrong, men, I’m not telling you to wear tight or clingy clothes, I’m asking you to please wear clothes that fit. That are properly cut to show off your assets and hide your flaws. A man’s good looks rests in his broad shoulders and arms, his narrow hips, and firm legs. I’m begging you, wear clothes that fit you in these areas, that make you look like a man, not a shapeless mass of fabric.
Dudes, do your penises a favor. Stop dressing like ass-clowns and start dressing like men.
**note: all images found via Google image search.