The Problem of Sexy.

My last post and the subsequent comments got me thinking about sexiness, to wit: what is sexy anyway?

The thing is, I have never thought of myself as sexy and so my mind rebelled against the notion of that term being applied to me. And even though I know myself to be a sensualist, I have never equated sensualism with sexuality. In my mind, they are two different things: sexiness is a part of sexuality, the art of attraction and copulation, and a sexy person has the knack of attracting sexual attentions. Sensuality, on the other hand, is taking pleasure in the experience of the senses and is by nature a personal, internal phenomenon, and is largely asexual. One thing they do have in common is the taking pleasure in the experience of a thing, but the way the experience is gained and internalized are two different processes.

But the problem bothered me: is it possible for someone to be sexy without being sexual? Surely, it must be so, for did I not name 2 of 3 bloggers as “sexy” whose blogs are not in any form, sexual? So what then, was it that made them “sexy” to me?

My sister helped guide me to some persective on this matter: that some people would find sensualism itself to be appealing, beautiful, attractive, and sexy. And that this is likely what Puss and Pool mean when they say that as a sensualist, I am sexy (I am still flummoxed by
this notion, however!). That realization then made it obvious that the reason I named Franki, Kara, and Dawn as sexy is because they each have some characteristic I find endearing and utterly beautiful–that makes me visit their blogs every day. Franki has boundless exuberance and humor, Kara is witty and clever and snarky, and Dawn is smart and kind and wise.

So, I must say, thank you Puss, so much, for teaching me something I would never have thought about otherwise. I truly am honored to know you.

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19 thoughts on “The Problem of Sexy.

  1. Great post Rachel!
    I’m glad I wasn’t alone trying to figure this one out! It wasn’t until I really started focusing on what traits I found sexy in a man – outside of his physical appearance… that I finally came up with a post!
    phew!

  2. Great post Rachel!
    I’m glad I wasn’t alone trying to figure this one out! It wasn’t until I really started focusing on what traits I found sexy in a man – outside of his physical appearance… that I finally came up with a post!
    phew!

  3. you’re such a goose, i could never be mad at you when you’re sitting there calling me sexy. shoot…you think i hear that often? hellsno. you’re a saucy little gem, m’dear…and you better knows it.

    ps: the definition of sexy to me is a johnny depp/djimon honsou/ewan mcgregor triple decker club sandwich. and a james macavoy on the side.

  4. It’s interesting how you’ve come around this topic. I feel like I hiked around your brain as we climbed the idea together. I like that.

  5. It’s interesting how you’ve come around this topic. I feel like I hiked around your brain as we climbed the idea together. I like that.

  6. umm… i totally wanted to comment on what you said, rachel. but then i read kara’s definition of sexy and started drooling… mmmm… i TOTALLY want a bite of that sandwich… and the side.

  7. Oh, you’re such a poppet. Bless you. You know, ‘sexy’ often comes with negative connotations, and for years I fought it and feared it, but these days, I see ‘sexy’ as a great strength – to denotes a degree of happiness in one’s skin, a degree of presence in the present, and an enjoyment of the sensations of life.

    Sexy rocks.

    It’s smart, too.

    Puss

  8. k… now i’ve regained myself and can comment. i loved reading this post. it’s interesting to evaluate the differences and connections between sexiness and sensualism.

    i’ve not felt sexy or sensual a day in my life.

    i envy those of you who ARE that confident and comfortable. maybe one day i’ll get there, too. but in the meantime… i applaud the rest of you 🙂

  9. Dawn; “sexy” is something we just take for granted, isn’t it?

    Kara: with the exception of Johnny Depp and Ewan McGregor, I’ve not heard of any of those men.

    Pool: thanks! I’ve always thought of my mind as being a cavernous echoy labyrith, and to think instead of a grand mountian (or hill) with trails and vistas, well that’s more appealing!

    Puss: thanks for teaching me that. 🙂

    Martha, it took you all that time to recollect your senses? Hm, INTEResting!
    *makes note*

    Woozie: you’re a minor. Its illegal for you to be sexy. 😉

  10. I don’t kiss and tell.
    Sexiness or being sexy is having sex appeal and lots of it.
    It could be genetic, psychological, or mystical. Or it could be a matter of habit or indoctrination.
    Nowadays, it is almost scientific.
    Sometimes you need a teacher.

  11. I don’t kiss and tell.
    Sexiness or being sexy is having sex appeal and lots of it.
    It could be genetic, psychological, or mystical. Or it could be a matter of habit or indoctrination.
    Nowadays, it is almost scientific.
    Sometimes you need a teacher.

  12. What an interesting post! Sexy vs. sensual is not something I’ve considered before. I guess I define sexy as something that makes me wanna put my hand down his pants. Sexy, for me, is an outward vibe, something being broadcast, even if only in a brooding sort of way. Sensual, on the other hand, seems more like an internal enjoyment, more voyeuristic. Like trying to guess what a peach tastes like from watching someone eat it.

    I am again flattered by your description…thanks so very much!

  13. krok–um, celebrate? She’s a hot asian chick!!

    No seriously, if shes stalking you, you need to post a very unflattering picture of yourself picking your nose. She should probably stop, then.

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