Creativity, and things To-Do.

Its strange. Now that I’ve removed myself from that obligation of “must post regulary!” I find that I am actually motivated and capable of posting daily, which is more than I was able to do before.

What’s also strange (and very much a relief) is that all my creative drive feels like it is coming back to me. Now that I’ve stopped trying to force myself to feel inspired for things I wasn’t really inspired to do, I was able to actually design! And write (sort of–I had shut that part of me away for so long, it is a bit of a struggle to get it back)!But driving home last night after work, I had a vision of gold granules and black pearls in a pendant of sea and sand and seaweed…and I can’t describe that small joy I felt just to be inspired–and the acceptance that this is what I prefer to think about.

As for writing, I’m excited about that too. I dug out my copious notes for my fantasy epic. After refreshing my memory a bit, I wrote a small fragment about a page long. Its coming to me slowly, very slowly, though. I am no longer used to thinking that way–I had completely denied that part of myself for nearly 2 years. I regret that now, but at the time, I seemed like the right thing to do. Perhaps I’ll go into that some other day.

All that said and done, I still feel like I have no time to do it; like I have too much to do. Its really not all that much, but I’ve been procrastinating, and things are starting to pile up…there’s the car taxes I have to pay, the bills I have to arrange payment for, I gotta get myself an earmold (for my hearing aid), I got groceries to buy, and chores to do…its a bit overwhelming to think of them all!

And then, there’s my plan for the weekend:

  • scrub the apartment: I’ve got about a month’s worth of cleaning to do, overall, and perhaps 2 months worth for the bathroom. But most importantly, I have to clean the kitchen, which still smells like smoke and burned rice–the aftereffects of my disastrous attempt at wild rice stuffing last weekend. Long story short, I forgot to add more water to the pot to allow for the dried fruit I cooked with the rice. What came out of the pot was charcoal. I thought all the smoke was coming from the almond meal I used to bread the pork, which, btw, came out PERFECTLY. Alas, it was the rice. And now, I don’t have a pot.
  • buy a new pot.
  • Laundry. Mostly standard stuff, but I do have a pile of towels that smell like cat piss–because I let the litter box get too dirty. At least my cat doesn’t piss on the carpet.
  • buy more cat litter.
  • sift through the mess of notes for my book. HOW could I have written so much about the same stuff–and none of actual “writing”? Its all world-creation and characterization. Nothing on plot, excepting a few scene lists. Of a stack of papers 3 inches deep, I’ve got only 10 or 15 pages of actual storytelling done. I foresee a lot of work ahead of me.

Hopefully, I’ll find the time to play some video games.


13 thoughts on “Creativity, and things To-Do.

  1. Creativity is a fickle beast. I haven’t forced myself to choose one outlet…yet. It leaves alternatives when one muse dries up, I can move to another. It’s difficult to force creativity, by nature, it’s a living breathing organism that should be allowed to breathe and flourish at it’s own pace. Optimistic at best. Nothing crushes my muse like a sink full of dirty dishes.

    Maybe a little voice recorder would allow you to preserve your thoughts and inspiration, so you can continue your projects as life allows….I have a long trail of sticky notes 😉

  2. Ah yes, the wonderful ammonia-like smell of kitty pee. I know all about that! I’ve got three felines, and one of them will pee on the rug in front of the litter box whenever the box is even just barely dirty. She’s got OCD, I think.

    I know better than to try to cook anything. I could ruin boiled eggs.

    Your blogging experience is similar to mine: sometimes I can’t even force myself to post anything simply because I can’t think of anything to say, then a week or so later and I make too many posts on my blog!

    I noticed you linked to me. Thank you, that is very kind. I will return the favor and it’s very nice to meet you.

    Just out of curiosity, what platform do you play your video games on?

  3. puss: oddly, I find deadlines helpful.

    pool; so are you telling me I should clean the kitchen and the litter box?

    martha: it sounds good, huh? I wish I had the opportunity to find out…well,next time.

    Chica: I tried to do that,but since I work two jobs, I ended up with way too many ideas and projects, and no actual finished work–and when I DID find time to work, it came out sloppy, undeveloped, ameteurish. I decided that in order to make the most of the time I had, I neeeded to focus on one or two styles so that I could practice, and polish up my skills, and create work that was viable and professional. Unfortunately, I decided to focus my efforts on mediums that I had no real passion for–and the stuff I DID have passion for began to dry up, and I COULD NOT DO ANY CREATIVE WORK AT ALL. It was very frustrating, and depressing.

    woozie: lol

    sophia: its a brand new nintendo Wii!!!!

  4. Nintendo Wii?!? How totally out of it am I that I don’t even know what that is? My experience of video games ends at Tetris, and no, I’m not 105.

    I think it’s amazingly cool that you’re writing a fantasy epic…

  5. Self imposed obligations are often the key to breaking through the barriers to creativity. Sounds contradictory but while you are busy with the chores that “just can’t wait any longer” listen to the sentence fragments that are rattling around inside your mind. The writing you are trying to create, will come into focus when up are up to your elbows in dishwater. Then you stop, dry your hands, grab a pen and spill some ink. Writing is a messy process and the words can’t be forced onto the paper. The only thing that changes when you switch from painting to writing,is the medium.

  6. buying pots is a pain in the ass. so is rice. in fact…litter is a pain in the ass too. as well as scrubbing. if you get all of those pains in the asses out of the way…i’d say you’ve earned a 24 hour video game marathon. that’s right. because i make the rules.

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