When did this blog become a rant blog? I never intended it to be that way. My goal was to post something I learned every day–as a means to be aware of the world around me, in order to better myself as an artist and as a human being. I envisioned myself becoming more aware, and the lessons I learned coming more frequently and more evidently. I would reach that elusive state of taoist or zen-like awareness that I believe true happiness/contentment requires.
But it hasn’t worked out that way. I find myself unable to see lessons, unable to learn things besides trivial bits of triva (ex: you cannot make bananna bread in a bread machine. Bread machines make only yeast-rising breads. Thanks Jen!)
I think this is due to a large degree the stress I’ve been going through; a) Brian’s complex problems at his job, b) my financial issues and working two jobs c) trying to pursue an art practice/career and d) feeling utterly uninspired and hating myself for it.
Its all been very hard to deal with. I was feeling fustrated and depressed and anxious for a long time, and I guess that carried over into my “snarkyness” while blogging and hindered my ability to learn anything useful.
I just finished a week’s vacation, and I feel calmer. I suppose I’ll just let my crankyness be, and post whatever I want whenever. If I rant, well, its good to get it off my chest.
Otherwise, I’ll post the lessons when I can. In fact, I do have a lesson to post, so I’ll do that as soon as I post this.
Thanks for reading this one. 🙂